Giving and Receiving

Yesterday afternoon I was tired and crabby from work and feeling stressed and overwhelmed from too much to do. I had promised to cook dinner and bring it to a friend who just had a baby and to pick up some things at the store for her. Cooking through the tiredness and overwhelm, not wanting to bring those energies to the food, I began to relax. Then as I loaded the car with this beautiful meal I had made, I felt that amazing wave of GIVING. What a gift it is to give, how healing, how full of grace.

Then I got to sit and hold the baby and hear the birth story and bask in the glow of love of these new parents and their beautiful boy. Coming home, there was an unusual pile of envelopes in my mailbox, including two bulky ones. Five checks and two donations of beautiful yarn for my raffle! The first wave of gifts for this project. So powerful, healing, amazing to open those envelopes, one after another, and feel all that love and support. The grace of RECEIVING. Wow.

Realizing in my life I have had trouble receiving because I don't want to be indebted to anyone, feel dependent or a loss of power or autonomy. Now I see how completely untenable and full of hubris that attitude is. I am indebted in so many ways and to countless beings and spirits for every single thing in my life--the clothes i wear, food i eat, books i read, friendship, house, abilities, teaching, etc, etc. There is no way to get out of the chain of indebtedness, and no reason to want to. This is exchange, like breathing. You give out and you take in, constant flow.

Last night I was so excited by the first yarn donations and promises of more that I searched for a pattern that used many colors in a beautiful, artful way. The joy i felt at working on designing this beautiful blanket i will make for all of you and for one of you was another form of giving.

Suffering

I smile, realizing that the Buddha's First Noble Truth could be translated, "Shit happens." As I understand it, it's actually one word, "Dukkha" and, is more accurately translated, "Suffering is." or "The...re is suffering." I love the simplicity. It's not "Life is suffering," which is not true, nor "There is always suffering." After all, the Third Noble Truth is about the end of suffering. . .