It is winter. I am seriously needing down time, quiet time, time to rest, hibernate, do less, do little, stop, rejuvenate, and slowly, to be creative. Time to nurture myself and my inner life. I am already staying home a lot more, doing less socially, working fewer hours. But I'm needing more--more quiet, more nurturing, more rest, more creativity, more time to listen and tune in.
This is what winter asks of us. We can't keep ignoring these natural cycles and rhythms. As a culture, it is part of our sickness and pain that we do this. And it costs us dearly.
I need a break. I need a break from the way I've been doing life. No, I need change, not a break, real change. To stop running on anxiety about survival and the need to please others and do what's right and expected, to stop being powered by a low-level, and sometimes not-so-low-level, panic to keep up, pay the bills, excel, be a perfect friend, do everything and do it all perfectly. There's a call within and it's pressing. I don't want to keep contributing to the madness of our culture, pretending i believe in it, furthering it.
What will it take? What do i need to do to change the way i'm living, to be in harmony with what i know to be true, with natural rhythms, with my own rhythms? What will it take for me ot have a life that supports my gifts, my joy, my creativity and passion and song? What will it take for me to have a life i truly, whole-heartedly love, a life that doesn't violate me or others? What will it take to really be true to myself and to the "big picture"?
I'm tired of feeling overlooked and discounted, violated by my life. I am longing to live in accord with my deepest truths, my highest calling, to honor self, Divine, nature, and from that basis to honor others. Skipping over my own needs too much, i am becoming depleted.
Can i listen to what i need? Can i trust the world to hold me? Can i jump into that free fall?
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